The Coffee Date Friend

Since becoming a Mum, some of my friends have materialised into thin air. Most of them stopped inviting me to any of their celebrations (even if they were close by). They didn't seem to think I would want to go out for anymore than just a coffee and they completely missed the part where my kids have a Dad - who can also look after them. Who else can relate?

Only the other week, my friend celebrated turning 30 by throwing a lavish party in the middle of our town, and I found out about it via social media after the event had already happened. Most of our friends were there except for me, and this celebration took place only a short drive from where we both live. Therefore, I could have easily made it, but the invite didn’t extend to me.

I hope my friend had a lovely time (and I sincerely mean that); however, where was my invite? I understand it’s her night; she can invite whomever she likes, and there is no obligation to invite me. However, it stung considering we live in the same place, saw each other regularly, and a group of us had been on holiday together, so I considered us close enough friends to the point where I thought our friendship would have warranted an invite. I’d also been there to celebrate at all her previous birthday parties, so this was the first time I had not been invited.

For once, I decided to be brave and find out answers. I confronted my friend as politely as I could and asked why I did not receive an invitation to her party. The answer was simple, and it was the sentence all parents dread. ‘You have a baby now, so I did not think you would want to come.’

In some ways, it’s understandable – she doesn’t have any children, and neither does anyone else in our circle, so I don’t expect them to know how to approach the situation. Although I was still a little hurt, just because I’m a Mum, that doesn’t mean I am no longer a person. The biggest kick in the teeth for me was that she didn’t think to ask; she assumed I wouldn’t want to come.

If anyone who doesn’t have children is reading this, please invite your friends with children to your social gatherings. Even if you think it might be unrealistic for them, communication can mean the world.

They are likely feeling lonely and have recently undergone a major shift in not only friendship dynamics, but also career changes, and the relationships with their partner or their families could be strained. Make them happy by reaching out, as you will be surprised by how much difference it can make.

Sometimes, we Mum’s also crave more than a simple coffee date.

Written by an anonymous contributor